The Great Dehydration Situation

The Devil's In the Details

Photo by redcharlie on Unsplash

I’ve been pondering this topic for awhile now … ever since the weather went from pleasant to sweltering a few weeks back. And now that a good friend recently collapsed from the condition, I reckon it’s time to talk about it. No worries, he’s okay … a frenetic ambulance trip across the ferry and three bags of intravenous fluids later he was good to go. Today’s discussion is about avoiding such harrowing adventures.

On a personal note, I have twice blacked out, each time falling abruptly out of consciousness due to insufficient hydration. The first instance occurred after a long, hot day of car washing, as we seniors were raising funds for our big, high school graduation trip. Luckily for the sake of our story, I managed to drive home without passing out at the wheel.

There’s nothing quite like the psychological trauma of fainting in the shower, banging your head on the door and waking up in horror to see your whole family standing over your wet nakedness, or naked wetness. I’ve been showering with my clothes on ever since.

My second syncopal episode came after playing hard with the mighty Mabank Panther footballers under the Friday Night Lights. We got clobbered as usual and rode the sad bus home to an even sadder locker room.

This time I managed to get through the shower and get myself dressed, but when Coach woke me from my sitting slumber on the bench, it was like … stand up, take three steps aaand … Splat! This precipitated a frenzied hospital admission, where I was given IV fluids over night. Who knew the dehydration monster could turn a fighting panther into a whimpering pussycat.

Long hot summers in the sub-tropics provide the perfect setup for the dry troubles, especially in places like the warm, sandy beaches here on the sparkling Gulf of Texas. You see, our happy vacationers tend to forget that while they are frolicking about, basking and baking in the blistering sun, their skin is doing its job of keeping them cool by evaporation, all the while leaking away precious fluids that keep us functioning as upright, sentient beings. Our epidermis means well and is actually quite amazing. I mean, without it we would just melt into the carpet. And who needs that on their vacay.

I would hazard to guess that by late afternoon, a solid majority of merry beachers are operating behind the curve, dehydrated enough to make their kidneys perk up and clamp down on the filtration process, in a noble effort to preserve all fluids possible.

As a result the urine becomes very concentrated … dark yellow in appearance. Urine color is actually a pretty good indicator of hydration status (clear is ideal), but when ocean tinkling, this little visual clue goes un-noticed.

The good news is that swimming helps to slow the rate of body fluid loss, so we got that going for us. On a vaguely related note, I have heard that sharks excrete through their skin, which I’m sure is not helping their already sketchy image.

Further complicating matters is the common contribution of alcoholic beverages, like a cold beer on a hot day for example. You would think that a case of thirst-quenching brewskis would keep you hydrated. Unfortunately alcohol has that pesky diuretic effect, which tells the kidneys to open the gates, so it’s down the drain we go.

Our perspiration contains essential electrolytes like sodium, magnesium, potassium and others, which the kidneys are now working frantically to keep on board. So while water intake is critical, supplementing with electrolytes is also key for maintaining homeostasis, which is a fancy, big word that means keeping things from getting outta whack. I won’t bore you with FDA recommended daily amounts, which I suspect, like all government numbers, are over-ripe fiction. You can always check the handy interwebs for the actual numbers.

Sports drinks can be helpful, but are often sugar loaded. Gotta be careful how you use them, though … I once drank a gallon of the Green Gatorade as the vehicle for my colonoscopy prep and now can’t stand the sight of it, let alone the flavor. Oddly enough, every other color is fine.

Kim buys a pretty good product called Sustain Active Hydration through a company called Melaleuca. We both have issues with muscle cramping in hot conditions and this stuff really seems to help with that. The different flavors are tasty, although I must confess I haven’t tried the green.

At the risk of getting into the technical weeds, there is good information coming out about the importance of something called the Zeta Potential. Simply put, this is a measure of the electrical charge between our blood cells and it is this charge that keeps them apart and flowing.

And when they don’t flow well, an unhealthy phenomenon called sludging can occur. At the harsh end of the spectrum are nasties like strokes and heart attacks. On the other end are micro-clots that are subclinical but could advance. Suffice it to say, proper hydration is the most important factor for a healthy Zeta. Anyone interested can hit me up for more info on this exciting concept.

Before I wander off into the mist, allow me to leave y’all with a nugget that might save your bacon. So our common dehydration scenario goes like this:

— Gradual, progressive fluid deficit.

— Sludging, suboptimal oxygen to organ systems.

— Neurological threshold breached, precipitous loss of central control.

— Inglorious face-plant.

— Serendipitous emergency rescue by friends, family or passers-by.

— If it happens to be your lucky day.

So, while it’s important to stay hydrated at all times, it is the very essence of survival, when you’re alone. Losing consciousness when you’re all dried out and no one to help, could spell the end of the line on the Last Train to Clarksville, if you get my desiccated drift.

Life’s short enough, so hydrate we must!

~~ j ~~

Photo by Robert Anderson on Unsplash

“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals, dying of nothing.”

~~ Redd Foxx